One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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