Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
