Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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