You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
