if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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