And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
