you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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