he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize