at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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