I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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