I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
