did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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