the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
