if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
