shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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