If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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