All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
