Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
