Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize