It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
