I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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