Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
