FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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