Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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