I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
