I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
