Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
