is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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