May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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