My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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