She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
