I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
