Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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