Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
