dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
