I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
