The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
