I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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