You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
