I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So much rum. So many feels.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
