I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
