This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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