I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
