dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
