He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
