I will die if light touches me.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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