mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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