if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
