the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
