its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think your dad took our porno
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize