forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
