For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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