oh god the rape fog is back!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm having to shit out rocks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
