Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize