i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
