No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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