In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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