so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
