i think i have two assholes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
