your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
