I think scott just propositioned me for sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
