Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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