can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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