it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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