Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
