Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
