Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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