I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
