apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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