im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
