You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
