Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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