wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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