i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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