I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
