you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
