I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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