hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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