I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
