Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
