So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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