I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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