I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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