i barfeds in our rink
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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