I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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