I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
