I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
