You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He did a backflip because drugs
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