i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
