My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
