last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
