i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
