five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
