proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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