ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
