do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
