There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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