I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
