Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
