Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize