My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize