My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
