sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
