Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
