I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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