Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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