I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
