The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I look better un-naked...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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