everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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