The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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