whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
