He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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